Plot: United Airlines hates surfers

Heavy birds have trouble flying.

The same goes for metal birds (planes). In fact, in aeronautics, there is a term for it: maximum takeoff weight (MTOW). MTOW is the maximum weight at which the pilot is allowed to attempt takeoff, due to structural or other limitations.

Important to know if you do not want to suffer the fate of the Dodo.

Recently, United Airlines revamped a two-board-only policy that has nothing to do with calculating MTOW, and everything to do with punishing surfers traveling with quivers of mas de tres.

It’s not just about paying an excess for extra weight, it’s a detailed cap on how many boards you can take, whether or not you meet the relevant weight requirements. i.e. bring five boards? Say goodbye to three.

Challenger Series surfer Eli Hanneman was one of the first victims of UA’s new surfboard policy, and nobly gave a warning croak to warn others of the danger.

By its GI:

“I hate to be that guy who complains about things on social media, but consider this a letter of recommendation to never fly @united as a surfer. Guess they decided to revamp the 2 board policy per board bag (regardless of it being less than 50 pounds) that other airlines burned down a few years ago Long story short, by booking this flight I thought I could pay a fee for the extra boards in my board bag but they told me there was a two board limit and it was non-negotiable I opened my suitcase and started counting the number of shirts and shorts I had in it but then they told me it was ridiculous But apparently it’s not ridiculous if I count the number of boards in my board bag 🤔 PS I asked the receptionist and she said this policy if for international travel too it looks like I’m going to Ericeira with 2 boards 🤙🏽 🤙🏽”

As if the air travel shitstorm of 2022 needed another stressor.

Even more annoying, there is nothing on their customer service page notifying visitors of the changes to this policy, meaning visitors are tricked into registering before they can sort out other arrangements.

Old school one way cul-de-sac.

As one, we are the last Dodo. Together we are a set of screaming magpies.

Let’s make some noise, it won’t fly.

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